I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
