He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
