He is such a slut. More and more my type.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
