You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
