My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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