We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
