You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
