Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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