I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
