update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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