I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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