So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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