hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
