So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
