He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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