I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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