I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's Friday. Sex?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
