i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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