Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
