As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
