fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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