i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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