But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
