I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
