I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
