So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
