She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
