Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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