found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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