I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
