Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
