He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
