By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
