i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
