Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Then you guys just all showered together...?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
