The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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