Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
