I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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