when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
