Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Everclear isn't food dammit
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
