every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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