I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
