peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
