I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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