that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
