How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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