dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
