I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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