hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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