Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
