fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
