I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
