Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
