i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
