she woke up with a sticky ear
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Randomize
