areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize