there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
